Due to a leaky wall (yes wall) in my house I no longer have a working Xbox, because water and electronics don't play nice with each other. It's my own fault really. I couldn't resist putting my Xbox next to a wall, I mean it was just so tempting. I wanted to live on the edge. But that's the price we pay for living a reckless life, you wind up dead or in jail...or in my case stuck with a wet video game console. Since I was always taught to make the best of a bad situation, I've come up with some inventive ways I can use my broken Xbox. 

I was in a public bathroom and somebody wrote on the wall, "A good dump is better than sex". So someone writes back, "obviously you've never had sex". Then the first guy writes back "Obviously you've never had a good dump!" hmmm... I think someone is a POOP PSYCHIC!

"I see you had corn last night"

Now I know that everything was fine on May 21st but what about next the next possible Armageddon? We may not be so lucky.  What if an asteroid is on a collision course with the Earth tomorrow and Bruce Willis can't save us, no matter how hard Aerosmith sings?  If the majority of humanity is wiped off the face of the Earth tomorrow, I want to do my part to guide them through the post-apocalyptic land, and maybe shed some light on what went wrong. That's why I'm writing a letter to the future.

This week I give agricultural advice, answer the big questions about time and space, learn a new language, help a father connect with his son, and help a wife deal with her lying husband. So come along and get your learn on, because we've got knowledge aplenty for your brain!

A new year... a new name! (not so) Real Letters has sold out and got a face lift. It shall now be known as Ask Justy, seeing as I answer all your weird ass questions, anyway. Another acceptable name would be The Feature Formerly Known as (not so) Real Letters. (it's spelled with just a 6 and a zig zag!)

This week I give hobby help, religious advice, start a soccer team, help a reader bake some delicious cookies, and more, so let's get started!

An excerpt from an article I read this morning...

This little bit of supernatural thinking has been floating around the blogosphere today:

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

I have a modest proposal.
Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose?
Time for a Boobquake.
On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one ....

In the name of science and furthering the human race's understanding of the seismic properties of this great big floating chunk of rock we call home, I whole-heartedly support this scientific en devour and encourage all readers to do the same. FOR SCIENCE!

I didn't know energy drinks were available in barbiturate flavor. This drink did not "Slow my Roll" as they so brazenly suggested it would. I was not relaxed at all by this drank, which apparently was supposed to be grape, but tasted like purple. Yes, that's right. The color.

My Daddy drives a space ship! ... a spaceship where the windows cannot open, there's no A/C, and the only way to ventilate the passengers is to keep the sliding door open with a peice of wood and a bungie cord... which already broke. OK, so it's a fixer-upper ship. But maybe it's enough to convince 7 of 9 to join our adventures through the final frontier.

First, Paul Newman gave up acting to make... well damn near every type of food, now I can only assume Van Morrison has taken up the mantle of Entertainer/Food Processor.

The fact that there are so many songs about breaking up proves that people need to stop dating musicians. They're clearly in no place to love.

"Dreamer" is just a shorter way of saying "lazy guy who sleeps on the couch all day and talks about things he's going to do". I'm a dreamer.

If the movie Jurassic Park was some weird promo for the real park I'd still be first in line to buy a ticket. I'd even trade in all of my gaming systems just to be first on the damn helicopter. You take a risk to see a real life T-Rex. Seriously, why didn't those people get that?

Marine Biologist think that you can avoid a shark attack buy punching them in the nose. You will get arrested for trying the same technique on you're wife mid argument.

In the event of a plane crash and water evacuation a child's body will make a good floation device for your head and neck. You just got your hair done and there's no reason to get it all wet. Orphans work best because no one will be looking for them. Now just lay back and prepare to be rescued.

'Charlie St. Cloud' looked alot better when it was called 'Field of Dreams' and it stared Kevin Costnar.

Welcome again to another week of the bizarre and odd tales that fill the world. With Tone still recovering from all of the "beachy goodness" of his vacation, I've taken the job of filling your brain meats with the wierd and obscure, so saddle up and let's get to newsifying!

Well, it's finally happened. The future is here! Remember when Star Trek came out, and everyone was excited to see force sheilds and "setting your phasers to stun" in our future? Well, sciency scientists have finally created that product everyone has dreamed of for years... a death ray,lightsabers, real life personalized pop-up ads.

I know what you're thinking, "This is great! I've always wanted advertising that can read my mind!" But don't pop that champagne cork just yet! These billboards from Japan only take a quick glance and determine your approximate age and sex to help you choose that great new item.

Would it really kill someone to keep and eye on these scientists and maybe crack the whip on some more awesome science, like teleportation, Arnold Schwarzenegger's Governator robots, or the Infinite Improbability Drive? I'd have a much easier time defending myself against the coming robot revolt with a lightsaber, rather than some flashy billboard that tries to sell designer Chanel  nuts and bolts to crazy machine hell bent on destroying Earth.