AHHHH YES! My favorite time of year, when I get to splurge away my (sometimes) hard earned cash on electronics, toys, pocket vibrators, and tex-mex cook books.

We are talking about BLACK FRIDAY of course! That magical day after Thanksgiving where everyone wakes up at the ass-crack of dawn to wait in a line full of smelly, gas-filled glutons who just finished consuming cold leftover turkey and cranberry sauce sandwiches.

What? Doesn't sound like your cup of tea?

Well it wouldn't be mine, either, save for the unbelievable deals that are part of the year's biggest shopping day. For example, last year I scored two 160GB 2G RAM 15.4LCD screen laptops for under $400 total. I also got a Tom-Tom Gps for under $50 and a ton of toys for less than half their original cost. So, yes, I am willing to sacrifice my nasal cavities for a few hours to grab these deals, after all, the fart smell is only temporary.

This year I have once again taken the day off and plan to be in line BEFORE 3am.. which is probably going to be late considering the deals that are being rumored this year... what are these deals you ask? OK I'll be nice.. here's what I'm hearing:

Public transportation is a wonderful thing.

The schedule says the bus could arrive between 2:15pm and Friday, so, I wait...

and wait...

and wait...

So many new things come with that great "NEW" scent, your new car, a new-born baby, a new puppy, even a new pair of sneakers, come with their own scent that let's you know how very fresh they are. Sometimes, these smells can even enhance your experience with your new car or baby. Studies have even shown that certain smells stay in our memory longer then any of our other five senses. This lead me to think about adding positive scents to otherwise negative circumstances.

Things like:

Well I actually don't hate all of these things... some are quite interesting...

1. A human piece of excrement is usually made up of 75% water.  Of course, if you have Diarrhea, that percentage tends to go up.  The opposite is true of those with a more fiber based diet, if ya know what I mean.
2. Elephants tend to crap several hundreds pounds of poo out each day. By comparison, the average human drops about 2 pounds a day.
3. Poop gets it’s color from bile secreted from the liver and bilirubin which is the result of dead red blood cells.
4. Animals eat their own poop because it takes at least 2 times through their digestive systems to properly gain all nutrients. However, if humans were to do the same they could end up very sick or contract illnesses like Cholera, Pinworms, or Tapeworms.
5. The putrid smell omitted from poop is due to the large amounts of bacteria. (and that meatloaf surprise you ate for dinner)
6. A scientific scale exists that categorizes poop numerically. The Bristol Stool Scale ranges from 1 (constipation) to 7 (diarrhea).  I think I’m about a 6 right now.
7. China originated the use of toilet paper by using newspapers, catalogs, or yellow pages as TP. Until then people had to deal with Poison Ivy of the anus all too often.
8. When birds crap it is projectile so they don’t mess their tail feathers.  But what about my freakin’ car??
9. Some caterpillars can fling their poop up to 3 feet to elude predators. That’s nothing though, I think my record of 5 feet 3 inches still holds.
10. The longest poop ever recorded was an impressive 26 feet.  Must’ve been the Indian guy from the FiberOne cereal commercials.
    
    

Que the graphic!