Now I know that everything was fine on May 21st but what about next the next possible Armageddon? We may not be so lucky. What if an asteroid is on a collision course with the Earth tomorrow and Bruce Willis can't save us, no matter how hard Aerosmith sings? If the majority of humanity is wiped off the face of the Earth tomorrow, I want to do my part to guide them through the post-apocalyptic land, and maybe shed some light on what went wrong. That's why I'm writing a letter to the future.
This week I give agricultural advice, answer the big questions about time and space, learn a new language, help a father connect with his son, and help a wife deal with her lying husband. So come along and get your learn on, because we've got knowledge aplenty for your brain!
An elegant weapon,
for a more civilized time.
These next few sentences are not a stretching of the truth for comedic purposes. They are true thoughts that run through my head everytime these moments occur. I'm a giant ass nerd. Don't you judge me internets!
- Everytime I'm done watching any Indiana Jones movie I wanna drive jeeps recklessly and grab things with a whip while wearing a sweet ass hat.
- Whenever I wear a long jacket that goes past my waist, sorta of resemebling a trench coat. I feel like The 10th Doctor.
- When I wear my black gloves, and take them off after coming in from the cold, I feel like a mafia hitman.
- When I carry an umbrella, sometimes I'll hitch it to my belt. It hangs at my side like a lightsaber. I feel like Jedi.
- Whenever I wear a sweatshirt with a large hood over my head, I feel like a Sith Lord.
- Everytime I see an automatic door, I wanna wave my hand like a Jedi. If I'm carrying an umbrella, I'm half tempted to do it.
Anyone else have any hidden geeky yearnings they surpress? Break your shackles and free your mind of the weight! Come clean!
Every week I'm going to talk about something I hate, something that's overrated, or something that just flat out sucks. This week we talk about astrology. This spacey mumbo jumbo has been around for centuries and no matter how many times the Sports writer at the paper make up the horoscopes the night before a deadline, people keep eating it up! Even this past week, some star nerd made up a new House, or sign, or whatever the hell they call it, and shifted the signs around to make room. Now people are taking up arms, because the Daily News says they're no longer quiet and reserved, but outgoing and full of leadership and pizzaz.
All these lines mean I'm a theatrical show off... really? Have they heard my acting?
But lying to you about your social and acting skills isn't the only reason Astrology sucks...
A new year... a new name! (not so) Real Letters has sold out and got a face lift. It shall now be known as Ask Justy, seeing as I answer all your weird ass questions, anyway. Another acceptable name would be The Feature Formerly Known as (not so) Real Letters. (it's spelled with just a 6 and a zig zag!)
This week I give hobby help, religious advice, start a soccer team, help a reader bake some delicious cookies, and more, so let's get started!
Time for more odd things to be placed in front of your optical nerves!! First, though, I have something to say... I'm not gonna lie to you Marge. I'm kind of dialing this one in today. It's been a whirlwind week with the Christmas holidays, and now we're being hit with a crap ton of snow here on the East Coast. So, I thought, what better way to celebrate a snow day, then with 10 of the most bizarre snow sculptures I've ever seen! Sadly, I'll have no snow day, as I can, and will, work from home... though, I get to do it with no pants on, which is a definate win.
Anyway, to business!
We're not getting out anytime soon, so prepare for some blogs written
while dellrious from cabin fever and lack of oxygen... there's only so much oxygen
in a house, you know, and we don't have plants.... OH GOD! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
I think I'm kind of a nerd.
While walking home from work today I was extremely angry at how cold it was. Already having a knitted hat for my head, and hood to protect the back of my neck, I was trying to figure out the best way to keep my face warm, as it was directly in the face of the biting wind. My first thought was, "I wish I had jacket like Spock in Star Trek. One where the hood could easily zip down to look nice while not in use, yet zip up and still be very warm." But since that movie is set in space, I know technology like that is far beyond anything we have here on Earth currently. Crestfallen, I think of another option.
Spacey, warm and stylish
Every week I'm going to talk about something I hate, something that's overrated, or something that just flat out sucks. This week we discuss those face painted freaks known as clowns. These supposed creatures of joy have been stalking children in their dreams for centuries. I bet Freddy Kruger had nightmares about clowns, you know before he got all burned up, and had an affinity for striped sweaters.
But nightmarish visions aren't the only reason clowns suck..