Start selling items marked "Not for Individual Resale."
I mean, really... who's gonna know?! It's not like they take some fresh faced kid out of the police academy and assign him to "Mattress Tags and Individual Resale" duty. It's a victimless crime! I'm pretty sure those packets of ketchup and little bars of soap at the hotels are given to them for free. Who needs such a small amount of ketchup? It's obviously a sales tactic. The ketchup bigwigs have stolen a page from drug dealers. The first hit's free, but if you want the full bottle... you're gonna have to pay for it, or we break your legs!
Exactly what other kinds of ketchup are there... beet ketchup?
The best part is that they aren't going to send some bruiser to break your legs. It's probably gonna be some dweeb from accounting who realized the black market condiment trade was seeing an increase in their brand of ketchup. Having watched too many police dramas and a marathon of Andy Barker P.I. on Netflix, he decides to go snooping around. You can use his naivete to our advantage.
You see him once or twice a day, hiding behind a newspaper at your favorite cafe in the morning, or non-chalantly checking sunglasses at the mall while you shop with your ketchup money. You know who he is... you've done your research and know all the players in the condiment game. He's not high up, but he's the man behind the numbers, a valuable asset. He'll approach you at some point and make small talk. "Hey about that local sports team... or man, how bout this weather?" Eventually, he'll bring the conversation around to ketchup... That's when you hit him with the ultimatum! JOIN OR DIE!
Franklin was really trying to get everyone into his ketchuping business,
when asked a bunch of questions about his motives.. he claimed it was the revolution...
Ok, so the "OR DIE" thing is alittle much, but it'll get his attention. Tell him you just did that for effect and you aren't gonna kill him... yet. (You have to act tough in this ketchup game, it's all about respect). Present him with a deal for him to come to your side and fudge the numbers in your favor to keep the ketchup barons and Uncle Sam off your back. He's gonna jump right on this deal, he's an accountant. No one wants to be an account, haven't you seen "The Producers"? It's gonna go exactly like that, but with less singing, more condiments, and sadly a lack of Uma Thurman in maid outfit. But what do you care, you have your ketchup money, you can probably pay for 3 super model maids and a robot monkey butler.
The sky's the limit in the ketchup game, you just have to go out and grab it!!
You could be just as fly as this Slick Rick wanna-be
You just have to go out and take what's yours!