The verse in question:
2 Peter 3:6-8 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
So, according to these folks, Peter wasn't simply making a statement, that a day with the Lord is akin to 1000 years on Earth, giving a glimse of the Eternity of God, so believed by many and what not. He was giving the coversion numbers to calculate the return of J.C. Now, I know what you're thinking... "Wait.. what? Where did math come fr... huh?!" Ok, here's what they're saying. The first part of this paragraph is talking about Noah and the Ark. According to the Bible, God came down and had this coversation with Noah in 4990:
GOD: "Yo, Noah... yea you with the beard. I'm flooding this cesspool called Earth in 7 days, so you better get cracking and build an ark. Get two of every animal, a boy one and an opposite boy one."
"NOAH: "God damn, that's alotta animals."
"GOD: ".... You know, I can damn you to Hell that."
NOAH: AHEM..."So, an Ark then?"
GOD: "Yea, and make it snappy. I got another project going... do you know how long it takes to hide dinosaurs in rocks? I'll tell you, FOREVER."
What about all the evil fishes, birds, and ducks?
I'm pretty sure that's word for word. So, the May 21st crazies think, since 1 day is 1000 years, and God said 7 days, that's 7000 years. If you add 4990 + 2011 = 7000. Now, you're saying "Well, yea, but what about the day?" Here's what they did. They consulted 3 different calendars to figure it out, and did more math than Stephen Hawking thinking about black holes and calculating the tip for the cute waitress at Denny's. They say that the Age of the Church ended on May 21st 1988. After that Satan moved in and took charge, so we've all been praying to him since then. I guess they forget to send us a memo. Thus began the 23 year Tribulation and Judment of Man... ending 23 years later on.... MAY 21 2011!!!!1!!!! They didn't even plan it that way! It just happened to fall on 2011, just like their 7000 math problem!
So, there you have it folks... start sexing, visiting all those places, and ramp up that bucket list, because the math is all accounted for. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to buy a plane ticket to Italy and try to sleep with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
I'm pretty sure I'm on her Doomsday To-Do List, too
