She looks at you as though you're from an insane asylum. Your thinking that simply saying, "Hey lady, I'm not a stalker, sorry for the confusion." will absolve you of your stalkery crimes is an outrage! In her defense, she really believes you're from an insane asylum; Arkham Asylum, actually.
THE ASYLUM FROM BATMAN?
Yep. I figured she wouldn't know the real world from fantasy, so if she recognized it, she would believe it's a real place anyway. I don't think she knows about the awesomeness of the Dark Knight, and seems to have taken the bait nicely.... DUCK!
WHAT DUCK?
LOONY casts THROW and launches the 900 page BOOK at your forehead. Seeing as how you have a ginmorous forehead, it's hard to miss. LOONY scores a CRITICAL HIT! (-5 Health)
JERK! STAB LOONY WITH PEN
You thrust your writing tool at her flailing arms and score a grazing blow. You do minimal damage (-1 health to LOONY)
The LOONY then casts RAINING PINS. She removes a handful of the PINS attached to her sweater and hurls them at you. Like NINJA STARS, or buckshot from a SHOTGUN, the attack does considerable damage at close range. (-3 Health )
RUNAWAY RUNAWAY!
You are too injured to RUNAWAY. LOONY attacks with PURSE SWING and misses, as you staggered back in your feeble attempt to flee.
PLAY DEAD
You look like crap, so it's not difficult for you to look like a CORPSE. You fall over and look quite deadified. The CROWD, having already parted in a FIGHT CLUB like circle of ass-kickerery when your battle began, look at you uneasily. They just wanted thier books signed, and now they're witnesses in a murder. Way to ruin a Saturday morning, JERK. The LOONY blonde, seeing you slump to the floor, pauses her attack. Her rage starts to wane and she feels sorry for having mauled your ass like a DAMN BEAR. She pokes you and offers you a drink from her Officially Liscensed Older Author water BOTTLE.
DRINK FROM BOTTLE
The CROWD is relieved to see you sit up and not die, they have stuff to do. You drink from the water BOTTLE and DIE of poisoning! (-1 health)
You are DEAD!
FROM WHAT?! IT'S WATER!
Yes, water laced with LEAD! LOONY blonde doesn't have an adequate filter in her water system, and for years has grown immune to the LEAD levels in her water. It's why she's so strong, half of her blood is made of LEAD. She's a poor mans Wolverine, really. However, your frail little girly body can't handle the manly amounts of lead in her water BOTTLE, and thus you perish.
YOU GET STRANGER THE MORE I PLAY THIS GAME
This is all your fault, I'm programmed to learn from my users input. So far you're really dorky, awkwardly strange, and have bad luck with women. You also have the immune system of a 3 year old.
I DO NOT! EXIT PROGRAM
