From: Barrister Bill Anderson <lucas@upondeals.com>

I am Bill Anderson, Attorney at law. I have a client now deceased, who shares similar surnames with you plus a good financial asset. I was given an ultimatum from the Bank to provide a member of the family, and I have written several letters to his embassy to locate any member of his family but all efforts lost.

I want to present you as a surviving family member to enable you put a claim to the Funds.If you are interested, please get back to me with your full names and contact phone number.

Regards,

Bill Anderson.

So, according to Bill "Don't call me Lucas" Anderson, Attorney at Law, someone who shares a similar last name as me has died. So, there is a possibility they aren't technically my relative, but he decides to share the info through e-mail, in the first sentence. Damn Bill, way to break the news with such tact and sympathy. You could have been more subtle if you had hired a Sky Writer airplane to spell it out over my house. Jerk.

Then he goes on to explain how my newly deceased pseudo-family member was stacked with cash, and apparently well known enough to have to "write to his embassy" to locate his next of kin. Who the hell "owns" an embassy. Is my deceased relative some kind of now-defunct country?

Rest in Peace, Uncle... Republic of Texas?

So, all I have to do is send Bill "I swear I'm not Lucas" Anderson my "full names" and phone number to get paid the cash money I so rightfully deserve as a not-relative of someone he doesn't even mention by name. No thanks, Bill, I think I'll pass on this one.

Plus, I just gave all my info to this Nigerian Prince and I'm waiting to hear back. He says I hit the U.K. Lottery which awards me 12 MILLION in US DOLLARS and I think I won a lifetime's supply of Viagra, which will save me a bunch of cash when I'm senile and looking for love, so it's win-win! How could I pass up that opportunity?