Justin

Ask Justy - The Shark Attack Dilemma

25.02.11

This week I give agricultural advice, answer the big questions about time and space, learn a new language, help a father connect with his son, and help a wife deal with her lying husband. So come along and get your learn on, because we've got knowledge aplenty for your brain!

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Dear Dr Phil,

How do I stop my co worker from sending me stupid Farmville requests for wood and nails?

Jasmine - Detroit, MI

Well, Jasmine, if you're working on a farm you really should assist fellow coworkers with their requests for supplies. Especially since wood and nails are essential building materials to any farm hand.

aj_shark_01

Hi,

None of my clocks are working. What time is it??

Othello - Lancaster, PA

This is a difficult question. Time is relative to the series of events in your life and dependent upon the motion of object around you. You could observe a certain number of repetitions of one or another standard cyclical event (such as the passage of a free-swinging pendulum) constitutes one standard unit such as the second, is highly useful in the conduct of both advanced experiments and everyday affairs of life. The operational definition leaves aside the question whether there is something called time, apart from the counting activity just mentioned, that flows and that can be measured. Investigations of a single continuum called space-time bring questions about space into questions about time, questions that have their roots in the works of early students of natural philosophy. All of these variables leaves the answer to actual time open to debate. But my phone says 10:18 PM.

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Hey Justin,

I have a real issue that I need help with.  Three weeks ago I was eating by myself at this small Chinese restaurant near my house.  While I was there, I recognized this jerk that I used to know in college.  Joe Flankerton.  Do you know him?  Anyway, he's a real jerk.  Lucky for me he didn't recognize me.As it turns out, he eats there every single Friday for dinner, usually with his ugly wife and 2 really bad looking children.
I have a plot of revenge to get him back for whatever it is he did to me.  I honestly forget, it's been maybe 23 years, 6 months and 9 days since it happened. So I want to get a job at this restaurant and avenge myself for...whatever.  Can you help me learn to speak Chinese so I can get a job here to start my plan?  Also, some good job interview answers and resume tips would be wonderful. Thanks!

Gary - Harlem, NY

I know very little Chinese but the girls at my nail salon are always speaking Korean while I'm getting my pedicure. I'm sure I could pick up a few words of Korean and teach you. They're basically the same language right? As for some interview/resume tips, you came to the right guy. The first rule of every interview is to stare at the interviewer without blinking throughout the whole Interview. Then ask as many personal questions about the interviewer as possible, no matter how uncomfortable they seem. They actually love it. Smile and you should get the job. Also make sure you practice your new knowledge of their language.

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Hey Justin,

My mom has watched all of those Dead Space 2 commercials and has forbidden me to buy the game because it's, "too gory for her special little shnookums". How do I convince my mom that I'm mature enough to handle the game. I was really looking forward to playing it, so I could connect with my 12 year old son.

- Father of the Year from Florida

Tell your mom that violent video games don't make people violent. And if she doesn't listen, chase her around the house with an axe shouting "Does this look violent to you mom?!"

Dear Justy,

My hubby is a surfer. He was one when we married. He promised he’d quit before our wedding; it didn’t happen. When I became pregnant, he promised again he would stop. Didn’t happen. Our son is now 2 years old and “Tom” still sneaks out to surf and I am sure he does at work, too. His mother passed a year ago from a shark attack — she was a longtime diver, and his father has now been diagnosed with selachophobia (fear of sharks, he’s a longtime diver, too.). I am terrified for Tom and our family. What can I do other than threaten, cry, etc. to get him to stop?

Nina - Cheyenne, WY

If I were you I'd make him watch the classic movie Jaws. It made me quit all water recreations for years.

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Justin

 I'm Justin, frequently in the winter I draw rocket ships on Fred's car door window when it fogs up, he thinks they're penises, I tell him they're for science.

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