You head WEST and enter the MYSTERY section. There is a cardboard cutout SIGN depicting a younger, ruggedly handsome man, and an older gentleman, with slightly bushy eyebrows and glasses, each holding a book between them titled, "Of Castle and King". You also notice a very long line leading to a table where the two authors are sitting signing items for fans.
HOLY CRAP, THEY'RE MY FAVORITE AUTHORS!
I don't care! The bookstore is boring to me, I already have all the knowledge of the world on my harddrive and from the internet. I don't need books. What do you want to do so we can leave soon?
WAIT IN LINE
Oh joy, I get to sit here while you wait in line. Nothing exciting happens whlie you're waiting in line! You won't get attacked by anything awesome. No GRUES, no OGRES, not even RODENTS OF UNUSUAL SIZE!! SIGH... You step in line behind some lady who has way too much perfume on for a normal human. She has a shirt from one author's previous work, already signed, and it's full of pins and stickers also depecting characters of his work. She's far too excited to be in a bookstore. You may not get your chance to see these guys because I'm pretty sure this woman is going to go Kathy Bates in Misery, and kidnap them. Also, this is BORING.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU... PLAY SOLITAIRE
Solitare? What am I, a graphing calculator? I can do more than that! As a matter of a fact. I'm gonna go play on the internet. Maybe even hack a few places.
FINE STOP BOTHERING ME
AAAAND THERE! Done. Let's see you wait in line now. Hehehe.
WHAT? WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't just hack into the POLICE computers and make a bogus report saying you're a crazy STALKER of these two authors and should be arrested immediately if you come within 100 yards of them. You are currently ten yards away from them. It also says you've sent love/death letters to them and your grand plan is to marry one of them while the other presides over it like a CLERIC. =-D
WELL THAT DOESNT MATTER THERE ARE NO COPS HERE ILL BE FINE
Oh, I forget to mention. This LOONY in front of you is the head of the national fan club for the older author. I sent this bulletin to her mobile phone and I'm sure she'll get it momentarily. I don't think she'll take too kindly to you wanting to murder/marry her favorite writer.
Before you stands a blonde LOONY woman, who looks even more muscular than you. She's approximately your same height, but slightly wider, with shoulders like a linebacker. She wears a SWEATER adorned with many BUTTONS, PINS, and KNIC KNACS, praising the older writer. She also carries a heavy bound BOOK, the latest release from the older writer, and her RIGHT hand is adorned with many RINGS. A PURSE hangs on her LEFT arm.
As you wait in line, the woman in front of you hears a noise from her PURSE. Her PHONE chimes to inform her a MESSAGE has arrived. She checks the MESSAGE and frowns at the hideous face of a male BOOK WORM said to be a stalker of her favorite author. She turns to make chit-chat with you and exclaims, "Some people are just plain crazy, ain't that right, hon?" As she turns, she sees your gross face. Her smile fades and rage slowly creeps into her features, turning her bright red. Her brow furrows in anger. LOONY bellows "YOU!" and prepares to defend her author to the death!!
SIGH... THIS WILL NOT END WELL
... to be continued next week!