"I'll take the 12 pack!"
On Valentine's Day, Joey went to a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist at the counter says "We have packs of 3, 6, or 12. Which would you prefer?" "Well.." Joey said, "I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks and I'm finally getting to meet her parents tonight over dinner at her place. After that, we'll probably hop in my van and find a nice spot by the lake. I even bought some rubbing oils and scented candles to set the mood. I'm pretty sure tonight's the night!" "Well it seems like you've got it all figured out." replied the pharmacist. "Yea, and once I get in the first time I bet we'll blow through a dozen or so in no time... So you better give me the 12 pack." said Joey eagerly. The pharmacist grabbed the condoms and handed them to Joey. "That'll be 9.99." he said. Joey hands him a $10 bill and says "keep the change!" as he exits the store.
Later that night, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he can deliver the blessing, to which they agree. He begins his prayer and continues on and on for several minutes before finally concluding "Amen." His girlfriend leans over and whispers to him, "Joe, I never knew you were so religious!".
Joey replies, "I never knew your father was a pharmacist!"
QUICKIE
How does a sailor finish? He has an Oargasm.
"I like the way you're thinking"
Middle schooler Louie was sitting in Math class when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Louie, if there are 3 birds on a wire and you shoot one, how many birds are left?"
"None," answered Louie, "I think the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer I was looking for is 2," said his teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Louie, having heard his father asking the same question to the mailman, asks "I have question for you... If there are 3 women eating ice cream cones and one was licking the cone, one was biting the cone, and one was sucking the cone, which one of those women are married?"
"Well, um," stumbled the teacher, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"Nah," Louie said, "It would be the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but hey, I like the way you're thinking!"
CONFUCIUS SAY
Confucius say:
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy.
to park meat in girl.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
Seminal Buildup Disorder
A Med School student who specializes in sexual disorders visits a sex disorder clinic to get a hands-on experience. He is in the midst of a tour by the chief doctor when he notices a patient masturbating in the hallway.
"Hey doc, what's this guy doing?" He asks. "What does it look like?" The doctor responds. "I know, I mean, what is his diagnosis?"
"He has Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn't release his sexual urges forty or fifty times a day, he'll pass into a deep coma."
The student starts writing this in his notes when they turn another corner and he spots another patient with his pants down, but this time the patient is getting oral sex from a hot nurse.
"Doc, what about him? What's his story?" The student asks.
"Well, he has the same condition," the doctor replies. "But he has a better health plan."
Well I hope you guys enjoyed these V-Day funnies. See ya'll next week!
