Making up things to impress people is an age old tradition. Why, yes, pretty girl. I am a doctor. No, that Audi isn't mine, my Ferarri is in the shop. No, officer, that's oregano. But making up things that people live by is pretty messed up. Apparently the qualification to write horoscopes is know how to write words and send an e-mail to an Editor. Hell, you don't even have to remember all of the signs. Make up a new one if you want. Talk about houses and angles and they're putty in your hands. What do you care if some poor shmuck tells his boss to shove it because you wrote some jibba jabba about taking a chance today. He's the sucker on unemployment.

"But, Uranus in the 6th house told me to tell you to Go to Hell and that it would work."
"Yea, well, Wanda in the HR department told me to tell you to get the hell out
because you don't work... here... anymore."

Here's proof positive that horoscopes lie, this is my horoscope for today, as a Leo

It's difficult to admit when your plan isn't working, yet your pride can stand between you and success now. Someone has entered your life and is eager to guide you along on your path. But it's impossible for anyone to make a meaningful connection with you if you appear too self-sufficient. You may feel uncomfortable sharing your vulnerabilities, but it could be the smartest thing you can do today.

According to this paragraph, I have to be girly and talk about my feelings because I'm too egotistical and can't admit when I'm wrong. Well, that paragraph can shove it. It doesn't know me. Just because my idea to make the bread spoon didn't pan out, and that girl won't return my calls doesn't mean anything. It's a good idea! The bread spoon didn't fail... it's just on hiatus. I'm waiting for the right offer. And I'm sure that girl will call me. She's probably just busy working. Yea... that's it.. just working..... and I totally don't wanna cry... so just shut up and stop looking at me... I said don't look! I have something in my eye! ::runs away::

I just wanna eat my spoon AND my bowl
with my soup. Why must I suffer!?

Ahem... well, now that I've got that manly piece of lint out of my eye, we can continue. So, as you can see dear reader. These stars and houses are just a bunch of baloney. If you're gonna buy into the hype, buy into something proven and concrete. Like Jedism. If Master Yoda tells you it's true, you know he's money. He's a Jedi Master. He's made the Force his biotch. He's like a little green Doctor Who. He can see the future, and it's not full of Uranus and moons. It's full of hope, dreams, lightsabers, Carrie Fisher in a bikini and a little bit of harmless incest. So, before you start taking a initiative and asking that cute secretary out for drinks, think... What Would Yoda Do?

Tell your Boss to Shove It, you must
Hilarious, it will not be