- Ride a unicycle - OK, so it may not be too difficult, except I don’t have the best balance in the world. And the old saying “it’s like riding a bike” made me realize, I probably don’t even remember how to do THAT anymore. But one wheel? I’m sure I can figure it out.
- Juggle something that’s on fire - I’ve never even attempted juggling things…but how hard can it be? Why not make it a challenge with the risk of third degree burns? I am capable of it.
- Ride a unicycle while juggling flaming chainsaws - Why not make it an extreme sport? Seriously, how hard can it be? We’ve already established that I can ride a unicycle and juggle. This is just a formality.
Speedreading - My guess is this is something anybody can do. However, in my estimation, the comprehension portion of reading probably will suffer…but of course I can do it.
If I'm gonna pull tricks, I wanna
look fabulous while doing so
- A triple backflip on rollerblades - If you google this, apparently someone with my same name has tried it before…in the X games or something. So I can probably do it. And I’ve never even tried rollerblading before. But he has, so assuming I can do anything that anyone with my name can do, I should be good to go. Just remember…I’m NOT HIM.
- Hold my breath for 5 minutes - Sometimes when I’m sleeping, I have a dream that I’m holding my breath underwater or for some other odd reason for inordinate amounts of time. Then when I wake up I’m short of breath and think I might be dying. But if Dream me can do it, I’m SURE Real me can do it.
- Fly an airplane - I have a drivers license and can drive a car, I’m confident I could jump into a cockpit anytime and blast off…or whatever. I think at some point during my childhood I played a Flight Simulator game on an Atari or something. How different could it possibly be?? I’m very intallijent!
- Drink 1 gallon of milk in 10 minutes - I rarely ever drink milk. And I admit, I failed at the 6 saltine crackers in 1 minute challenge. But come on, drinking milk? I can do it. If a cow can do it, why can’t I?
- Hit a 100 MPH fastball from a major league pitcher, a home run, 400 feet. – Yes, I am believing in myself on this. I watch a lot of sports, and some of the guys who play don’t look like anything special. So put me up there, I’ll do it! On an unrelated note, does anyone know where I can get some decent performance enhancing materials?
Wrestle, and defeat, a black bear - Come on, it’s a bear! They’re so soft and furry! I hear they can be quite mean, especially if hungry. I’d probably kidnap it’s cub first, just to give it motivation to fight me. Then probably bribe it to let me win. I know what you’re thinking, I can’t bribe a bear. But I sure can punch hard! And I’m confident, so I have that going for me.
See, this is what happens when you bribe cheap
So that’s all I’m giving you for now. Maybe in the future I’ll compile a new list of things that I’m sure I can do without ever trying. I’ll write it while riding my unicycle.