Most folks celebrate the Christmas time birth of a newborn with a commemorative Christmas ball with the birth day and year. Other's, perhaps, get a small inset with the baby's first foot print. Then, there are those who take things a bit too literally and get this creepified ball of affection. My only question is this... Why is the baby armed? I always thought Santa was to be welcomed into the home, should we be setting out booby traps for St. Nick instead of cookies?
These things would make Lucifer himself feel alittle uncomfortable. Who would want to scar their children with these hanging on the tree? We already tell them how a big fat guy in red pajamas breaks into your house, knows EVERYTHING that you do, steals your cookies and milk, and leaves you stuff his vertically challenged slaves made in his frigid sweatshop in the North Pole. I think that's enough trauma for one holiday, don't you? Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go pray and find that lady from Poltergeist, because I ain't drinking any more nog until "this house is clear".
Do you have a friend who misses the olden times? When the world was simpler. Gas was 49 cents and a gallon of milk cost a nickel? Back when it was all simpler and the world was seen in black and white? I mean, literally, where there were separate things for white and black people. Then this is probably what adorns their tree every year. My only concern is that it's just simply too much red. They need to throw some greens and blues in there and really get the Christmas feel. Otherwise, the Christmas Joy is just over powered by the red... and the uncomfortable silences.
Trying to give your wife that gift she won't expect? No, not diamonds. Something, even more everlasting. Have you tried dropping subtle hints, like more flamboyant color in your wardrobe, or adding alittle more make-up to your life? Does she still not see it? Then surprise her Christmas Eve by placing this adorable little Merman on your tree. If she doesn't get that you're the new President of the Village People Fan Club then I don't know what to tell you. Some women just don't see the signs.
"You know, man. Your tree looks like poop."
"Thank you!"
Apparently, this is for dog lovers? And here I thought Justin's wife putting up little clay foot imprints of the cat's and dog's paws was different. However, I was proven wrong when I saw this glittering piece of crap. Pun, wholeheartedly intended. I think this was designed by the homeless Martha Stewart. Up next she'll show you how to replace tinsel with spaghetti from the trashcan out back of Carrabba's and how to top your tree with a beautiful star made out Big Mac containers.
