- Fighting through the free-for-all that is the parking lot.
- Giving the Santa a buck so he will stop ringing that damn bell.
- Spending money on people you never see.
- Building up the credit card debt.
- Walking quickly past the Santa on your way out saying, “I already gave you a buck on the way in.”
- Spending time with the in-laws. (crap, I got those now)
- Cooking crazy recipes (putting out the fire)
- Cooking crazy recipes take II
- Kickin’ the crap out of the fat bitch with the glasses that took the newest iteration of Elmo.
- Getting bailed out of jail by the in-laws for kickin’ the crap outta that fat bitch. (But hey, you got the Elmo!)
- Watchin’ the kid play with the box and not the Elmo.
- Opening that gift that someone re-gifted that you re-gifted to them last year.
- Going back to the store to get aspirin.
- “Leave me alone, fat ass!” (you yell to the bell ringin’ Santa as you leave the store)
- Finally sitting down on YOUR couch to have a beer and watch the end of the game, only to have the “honey-do” list brought out; picking up overtime to pay off that credit card debt.
Ah, my favorite time of year. I hope this helps to warm your spirits as the snow starts to fall and the carolers start to carol. Don’t forget to give thanks for Thanksgiving and remember; beer is the best medication, so stock up!
Chris is the creator of Sporkman and an all around awesome guy. Check his site out and support the Spork! http://www.getspork.com
