Your letters, my answers... Here goes 

1) How do I talk my girl into having a threesome?

Greg- Georgetown, SC

Greg this subject has become the basis of heated debates for decades. How do you entice your significant other into allowing another person into your bed? It's a touchy subject and but I believe the best way to do it is to be fair.

So let's rap about this for a minute.

Let's say you want your girl to allow another girl into the bedroom (which is what I'm assuming since you didn't specify), then you must be willing to answer "yes" to the following questions:

"Would you let me bring another GUY into the bedroom?" - You MUST say YES to this question. She is testing you. You will have to show her you are willing to exhibit the same courtesy to her. If she pushes it for real, then play it off like it was a joke.

"Would you pay more attention to me?" - She doesn't want to be second place so tell her she won't be, then when the big night comes try and divide your time equally (how do you divide 2 minutes equally?)

"Would you promise to never ask me this again?" - One and done. She doesn't want this to become a regular thing.. fine. Say yes, but you never know, she might like it. Then she'll be the one bugging you.

"Would you let me choose the girl?" - Unfortunately you have to say yes to this one, too. It is almost a given that the girl she chooses will be lower on the food chain than she is. This is the one question you hope she doesn't ask because you're almost guaranteed to get that lonely 300lb friend of hers. But fight the good fight, and perhaps after such a digusting affair she will come to her senses and choose a more "fit" partner.

"Would you just want to watch?" - ABSOLUTELY! Look, if you think just because you're watching that you're not getting lucky, you're sadly mistaken. More than half of these situations, where a man is watching two chicks go at it, end with the man involved in some way, shape, or form. So sit back and let them get worked up, then come in and finish the job.

You see Greg, it's not all the hard to get your girl in a threesome. Of course, if she kicks you in the balls when you ask her that probably means she's not interested.

2) Hey Tone

Will cats really survive any fall?

Amber- Madison, WI

No. As a matter of fact, my cousin Rusty (whom I talked about before on this column), used to drop cats from high rise buildings to test this very hypothesis. I didn't understand why he did it with a bunch of different cats from the same height though. It was like "Goodbye Tabby!, See ya Siamese!, Later Calico!". Rusty didn't seem to mind scrapping the remains from the pavement either because he said it was "good eats". Now would the cats have survived without the large river rock tied to their backs? Maybe.. I read a kitten once fell 32 stories and survived with minor scratches.

As for Rusty, he enjoys his cats, BBQ style that is.

3) Dear Tone

If I see someone drowning and I don't save them can I be charged with murder?

Anonymous

No, you can't. Just ask Ted Kennedy!

4) Can a hermaphrodite have a baby?

Vivian- Courtland, VA

I did some digging on this one and here's the scoop.

Only about 1 in every 4,900,000 people born are born with both male and female genetalia complete enough to be considered both male and female. However, they would likely lack the ability to impregnate themself because both genetalia are not fully complete.

So most hermaphrodites will have male genetalia but have ovaries instead of testicles or have female genetalia and have testicles instead of ovaries. But if you truly truly want to know for sure why not ask the world's most famous Hermaphrodite?

Now you know. And as for me, I'll be burning the clothes I'm wearing and taking a shower while listening to the theme song from The Crying Game a la Ace Ventura.

5) Tone

In Fight Club they use soap to make bombs. Is that possible? Or was Brad Pitt blowing smoke up my ass?

Dean- Seattle, WA 

Hey Dean, there is a site called Google.com where most terrorists get their information from. If you think you're going to come to DYHP and then go blow up my local establishments by combining half petrol with half generic soap and using a detination agent then you are just out of your mind there buddy. Plus, you're forgetting the overall moral of that movie! MEATLOAF got some nice TITS!

SEE YA'LL NEXT WEEK!