A few days ago, I was listening to an ad on the radio for a group called Events and Adventures. They describe themselves as a singles group, NOT a dating service. They were very adamant about that, I guess all the creepers give dating groups a bad name. These folks put together events to get singles a mixin' and a matin'. Having been single before, I had an experience with this company, and it was not all fun and lollipops. These jerks turned me down! But, not for the reasons you'd think.

I was propositioned today... to have a Threesome... which is every guy's Fantasy, I was so excited but then I chickened out... I couldn't go through with it... I had to tell them... "Look, you're both good looking guys..." but I don't see myself bragging about this one.

You + You + Me = (:

In order for you to appreciate this, I must paint a picture with words. I apologize in advance for not being Shakespeare incarnate, but I'll do my damndest. The scene opens at 3am, not with your typical infomercial intro... some poor shmuck trying to do lawn work and over exaggerating his pain or incompetence, or some old lady who can't get up off the floor. The first scene of this infomercial does indeed show over exaggeration... of a cavalcade of women fumbling with their boobs, trying to make them look presentable, and utterly failing

I know what you're thinking... I was confused, at first, too. I thought I left on a saucy late night program. Sadly, this was not a Red Shoe Diaries marathon. This was a 30 minute spot for the Genie Bra, a bra that conforms to the female form like Venom's symbiote to Spiderman, enhancing a female's boobage. This was the Most Interesting Infomercial Ever.

Look at my well supported breasts!

It all started out so innocently. I was minding my own business, wasting away on the internet like so many do. Stumbling past naughty site after naughty site, with the occasional Facebook visit, when suddenly I heard a noise. I had a new e-mail message. Not expecting electonic mail of any sort, I was surprised at the visit by the electronic mail man, epecially on a Sunday. And a holiday weekend at that! There I found  a message from a girl named Kami. An introduction that changed everything.

In Soviet Russia, hotness come to you

I'm here to shed light on a subject that perplexes many a man. It's a question who's answer has alluded the male species for centuries. In the eternal panthenon of mysteries, along with, Where's the beef?, Is Paul McCartney the Walrus?, and Who are Tupac and Biggie's murderers? We want to know... why the hell is my girlfriend so damn cold all the time? Well fret not, dear reader!, DYHP has the answers. Here are the Top 5 reason your girlfriend "borrows" your sweater when it's still 70 degrees out.

This young lady certainly needs a jacket... or not

I'm a married man, and as a married man, I tend not to date much. In fact I've been out of the dating game for so long the very idea of it frightens me. It's not because I think women have cooties or anything, I don't (they totally do). But I see what my single friends (Ray) go through after each and every horrific date. This got me thinking, haven't we advanced enough as a race to see dating go the way of the beeper, the typewriter, and the foot propelled car?

This week I answer questions about a clumsy wife, a first game of scrabble, stealing, hot dogs, and the recent increase in bird deaths....

Ike Turner knows a thing or two about clumsy wives.

...plus I'll teach you about apples today. Join me, won't you?

So, this cute girl, on one of those dating sites, mentions her favorite food is pancakes. My response, because I'm so suave and in tune with the ladies, is to scold her, because no one likes pancakes that much. In my message, I share a pearl of Confucius like wisdom, I hope she, as well as you all, appreciate the knowledge I'm dishing out...

::clears throat:: ahem...

"Pancakes are the politicians of the breakfast world! They sound promising at first and then they just let you down!"

-- Ray Cascella 12/31/2010 .

Mark it in your calendar, so you may tell your children and grandchildren, today you learned a universal truth.

Ich bin ien Springfielder!

Every week I'm going to talk about something I hate, something that's overrated, or something that just flat out sucks. This week we discuss Christmas shopping. The time of year where every mom and misguided husband push and shove their way through the local shopping mall. Where hoards of people swarm like a zombie invasion ready to feast upon their fellow man just for a chance to get the best sale on the newest Tickle Me Beiber dolls. People will be trampled and sales associates may be killed but at least some mom out there saved $10. Now wipe your hands of blood and proceed to register eight.

But a George Romero inspired shopping trip isn't the only reason Christmas Shopping sucks....

This week Tone and I decided to switch places and seeing as Halloween is just around the corner I’ve decided to pick something about Halloween that rocks more then anything else. And to me nothing says Halloween quite like the sexy costume. This is when ladies get the chance to play up their naughty side and wear lingerie in public without looking like a slut or getting arrested. It’s also every man’s fantasy to be able to stare at chicks wearing lingerie in public without looking like a creep or getting arrested.

Who you gonna call? Probably this chick.. ghost or no ghost