A few days ago, I was listening to an ad on the radio for a group called Events and Adventures. They describe themselves as a singles group, NOT a dating service. They were very adamant about that, I guess all the creepers give dating groups a bad name. These folks put together events to get singles a mixin' and a matin'. Having been single before, I had an experience with this company, and it was not all fun and lollipops. These jerks turned me down! But, not for the reasons you'd think.

It all started out so innocently. I was minding my own business, wasting away on the internet like so many do. Stumbling past naughty site after naughty site, with the occasional Facebook visit, when suddenly I heard a noise. I had a new e-mail message. Not expecting electonic mail of any sort, I was surprised at the visit by the electronic mail man, epecially on a Sunday. And a holiday weekend at that! There I found  a message from a girl named Kami. An introduction that changed everything.

In Soviet Russia, hotness come to you

This week I help one reader decide between a glass eyes and a marble, I give a husband Valentine's Day advice, I help a neighbor scam his friends, I shut a newborn baby up, and I tell one reader about Ray's dark past.

Plus I'll tell you the cheapest ways to travel to the Caribbean this summer.

Welcome to Saturday Morning Adventure! Type ENTER to start the game.

ENTER

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STATS
Name:                 Raymond
Class:                  Lvl 1 Loverboy
Health Points:    10
Stamina:             15
XP to next Lvl:   25

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You find yourself in a fancy restaurant on Valentine's Day. You've been sent here by your friends on a blind date. They're tired of you cramping their style as they try to go to nice places and you do "single" things like cry about being lonely and watch Maury with a tub of ice cream, while wearing sweatpants. It's a pretty nice joint. The room is dimly lit, to set "the mood". They have a FOUNTAIN in the middle of the dining room and the surrounding tables are full of couples who are happier than you are. You're very nervous and have been sweating profusely for the 15 minutes you've been waiting.

INSPECT TABLE

It's Valentine's Day season again and love is in the air, but have you caught it? We've all heard of dating sites like Match.com or eHarmony.com, but I think my favorite pathetic internet dating reading material has to be the stuff supplied on Craigslist's "missed connections" page.

A quick whirl yielded this winner:

Yup. Crap. Care to see more?

OK, so it’s almost Christmas. Time is fleeting! You have a few couples left on your list, and you have NO clue what to buy them.

Well, here I am to save the day, with some AMAZINGLY wonderful ideas of gifts to give to your paired off family and friends! Enjoy!

• 10.  2 pounds of Bacon - Because, really, who can eat 2 whole pounds by themselves? Why not guarantee that they can share Pig Candy for the holidays?

Today we find out how to get your husband back in the saddle, if I would've survived with the Chilean miners, if Thanksgiving is a good time to come out of the closet, if 73 is the new 45, and how many cats is TOO many?

Is this a pic of the 33 Chilean miners or the employee list for Landscape Escape, the world leader in landscaping and tree removal? Your guess...

And we get another applicant for our vacant mail sorter position... and finally it's someone well spoken... homeless... but well spoken!

 So Tone should be back to his regular blogging schedule next Monday. Until then I'm back again answering his mail. Which I'm pretty sure is felony. Though, technically, the cat is opening the mail so I don't know how that would work out in court? Any way back to the questions...