Greetings my gaggle of groupies! I have to say it is atrocious how we treat our celeb’s in this country. A walking douche can’t even make $100 mil for doing nothing without being driven mad. We give no formal training to these trophies of the American Dream. They are forced to buy mansions we vagabonds can only dream of. They are forced to join the Immaculate Car of the Month club and must suffer through the plethora of tiara wearing goddesses lapping at the ground they walk on (or hunky musky smelling beasts if our mad douche is a douchette (or a stuffy DJ with fish scented fingers if our douchette is Lindsey.))

Winning...??

Welcome back to another Friday fix of ironic humor and stereotypical nonsense. Today we discuss catnip addictions, being attacked by bananas, backward-stalking, pigs and meat, and how to get to Mexico without a passport. Of course, you might have to ride next to Miguel and Julio here...  but ya gotta take the good with the bad I guess...

And Lindsay Lohan checks in as our Photo of the Week.. a must see!

We've all heard the story of Paris Hilton dropping cocaine from her privates, right? Well apparently it's not an isolated incident.

A former employee of Girls Gone Wild, Ryan Simkin, wrote the following in his new book:

After he gave her a Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy; "I asked if she was flying private, and she said, 'No, commercial.' And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X," "She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic."

I guess that's why they call it "Camel Toe", eh?

So are we to believe that Paris is the only celebrity to practice this rather crude way of hiding things? What if other celebs did use their "undercarriage" to hide their most prized or private items?

Let's find out 'who' is hiding 'what' in a segment I'd like to call "What's in her Kitty?"

Lady Gaga prefers Coke to Pepsi, Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, Jersey Shore plumpette Snooki gets a court date, and more inside!

Today we salute jail time for Lindsay Lohan, who violated terms of her probation on a 2007 drug related arrest by not attending required rehab classes.

So it looks like it'll be a hard 90 days in the slammer for the Freaky Friday Fellon. Let's all shed a tear for poor LiLo.

Over the past couple weeks we've lost Dennis Hopper and Gary Coleman. Last year Michael Jackson was the biggest name that met his maker. Corey Haim and Brittany Murphy (and now her husband) flamed out suddenly. The problem with Hollywood stars dying is that sometimes it's all too sudden (Like Michael Jackson) and in other cases it's expected (Like Patrick Swayze).

But what if we handicapped celebrity deaths the way prognosticators handicap sports? Overall odds, over/under, stuff like that..  Well your friends at DYHP have given you the inside edge on who the next celebrity to kick the bucket will be... and it may surprise you!