We've all searched on Craigslist for something and no matter how innocent your original search topic is, everything on Craigslist always returns to something sexual and creepy, whether that be a used air conditioner or a new job. Since I'm a little desperate for money, these odd job listings become more and more appealing. That's when the trouble started.

We've all seen the A&E show Parking Wars and undoubtedly, we've all related to the frustration the people feel on the show.

From being booted while on a job interview or at a funeral, to just shoving pizza in your fat rich mouth while parking your Beamer in a tow-away zone on South Street, they've shown it all. But here's a shocker; That's not even why I'm pissed about parking.

Let me tell you about my weekend...

That’s right, DHYP isn’t the only thing turning another year older this month. Today marks one of the most important births in American history, my own (Thomas Jefferson was cool but he’s no me). Now I know what you’re thinking, “Oh my god, I didn’t know today marked Fred’s birth, I hope he’s forgiving. Now that I know what could I get this paragon of man?” To answer your questions, first, I am forgiving to those who didn’t know (to a point). Secondly, you’re in luck, it just so happens that I’ve created this list so you wouldn’t make this mistake ever again.

 All items on this list are…

Recently I’ve made a terrible discovery. It’s something that everyone has always joked about since my fiancé was in school to become a pharmacist but now it’s actually come true. Before we get into it though, I want to explain some things. First, I don’t know how it happened. I played sports growing up, I have an awesome beard, and I used to work in a sharpening shop. However, despite all this evidence supporting how manly I am, I couldn’t stop it from happening. I realized the problem after an hour long, mid-week, phone conversation with my sister-in-law. During that time we discussed such riveting things as cleaning the house and how annoying it is when our significant others mess it up. It was about the time when we were exchanging recipes that I knew it. It was turning into a woman.

A clean house is a happy house

Sorry about the delay of the final chapter but apparently the GSD (Girl Scouts for Destruction) has learned about the secrets I'm revealing so I had to lay low for a few weeks. Thankfully Ray was able to pick up the slack and Justin was able to answer their questions long enough for me to make an escape. If you're confused as to why I'm on the run read the first two chapters (here and here).

I had done it. I had defeated their best fighters and won my invitation to their most secret camping trip. Once again I had to don my fool proof disguise and I was told to meet them at the warehouse where a car would pick me up and take me to the camp site. I had had a week to prepare myself for what I would find there, and I thought I was ready. I was wrong, so prepare yourselves for...

But with more corpses