Peeps, Charlie Sheen, Gaga and Billy Joel... is there anything more Eastery?

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OK, so it’s almost Christmas. Time is fleeting! You have a few couples left on your list, and you have NO clue what to buy them.

Well, here I am to save the day, with some AMAZINGLY wonderful ideas of gifts to give to your paired off family and friends! Enjoy!

• 10.  2 pounds of Bacon - Because, really, who can eat 2 whole pounds by themselves? Why not guarantee that they can share Pig Candy for the holidays?

It's time once again for more Christmassy goodness! This week we go all the way back to the 90's to get that Christmas Spirit! No! Not Kid and Play or RUN DMC (which BTW is a damn good song) it's the one and only Mariah Carey.

Now, I know what you're thinkin'. "What's amatter wit you, you gay or somethin'? You want a cranberry juice?" To these musical Scrooges, I reply, I don't care how crazy Mariah went, or how inexplicably married she was to Nick Cannon, or how many terrible movies she makes. She can sing her damn ass off. And this was Mariah in her prime, so shut it!

Snow days are the double edged sword of awesome, usually you have to just suck it up and go to work if you're an adult, however, there is the rare snow storm where everyone is just screwed. Your car is two feet buried, public transportation is a joke, and that hot chocolate certainly won't drink itself. So, now you get to enjoy this wonderful unannounced day off, courtesy of Mother Nature. But, what to do, what to do?

After you waste your morning shoveling your way out to the ensuing fun, your first choice is to make snow angels and snowmen. Or you can force your weaker friends to make snow angels by throwing them into your newly piled snow and ice mountain at the bottom of the drive way. Award points for style and best landing, as you see fit. 10 points if they hit the mailbox you, cheekily, hid underneath. For your snow man, please use a regular hat for the finishing touch. Don't give some pile of ice a soul because you thought it would be cute to meet "Frosty", by using that magician's hat. Did you ever see "Jack Frost"? Now, THAT'S what happens when you put a demon in a snowman. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband. Cuz they rapin everybody up in here.

Frosty the snowman, he's happy, murdery soul

But free, ice-ball induced comas and snowy deaths aren't the only reason snow days rock.

I don't know if you know this. But it's now been December for a whole week. Which means its time for CHRISTMAS! Which is my favorite holiday of all time. On my way home, I could be attacked by Ninja Badgers, who mistake me for the the farmer that murdered thier clan... or gaggle... or whatever the hell you call a group of badgers, and if I listened to Christmas music when I arrived home, I wouldn't even care about what just happened. I'd invite that murder of Ninja Badgers into my home and offer them some delicious Pumpkin Eggnog and protect them from our crazy puppy who would try to eat/hug them, thust earning thier respect and spreading Christmast Joy to all of God's creatures! So to celebrate this lovely time of the year, I've decided to showcase a Christmas song each week of December.

And, no. I don't care if you listen to Christmas music at work because they play the soft rock station that's been blaring Dean Martin's "Let it Snow" since Labor Day. I haven't yet had the joy of Chistmas music sucked out of me by the retail giants. So, just give a chance. I think you'll like where we go with it.

We're not just goin to the same old well. Dean and Bing Crosby are great, but I hope I'll pick something you never considered before, and it becomes part of your Christmassy goodness. However, this first choice of song, was actually difficult, as there are many talented people who've covered it.

Welcome to the Pantless Babe of the Week! This week, Fred's computer decided to die, and he's away with family... who must have techno-fear because he cannot get to a computer to serve up his usually pantless goodness. Well, not his personal pantless goodness. I don't think anyone wants to see that, not even his fiance. ...

Anways.. to business!.This week, we forgo the usual submissions, and we celebrate Thanksgiving with everyone's favorite Native American Princess...

I told myself wouldn't make a "Poke her hontas" joke here and I won't.
I'm just gonna say that she is most certainly full of "Poca-hotness"
... and maize. They call corn, maize.

Every week I'm going to talk about something I hate, something that's overrated, or something that just flat out sucks. This week we discuss Thanksgiving. It’s the time honored tradition of eating a bunch of turkey until you’re ready to puke that was started by Christopher Columbus or Abraham Lincoln, or someone like that. Thanksgiving has become a holiday that brings everyone together despite race or religion. It’s the day fat guys like me look forward to. I’ve even dubbed Thanksgiving “Food Christmas”. And yet Thanksgiving and I have a weird love hate relationship, like Kurt and Courtney, Ronnie and Sammie, or Count Chocula and Boo-Berry.

The love hate relationship is actually the only reason Thanksgiving sucks but if you read on I’ll explain...

"Turkey made out of dog biscuits?
Why the hell did I let you cook again?"

So, my plan to showcase awesome cover songs was nearly foiled by the holidays, as Justin reminded me this week was already Thanksgiving. I was sad to see my idea foiled by one of my favorite holidays, but I must admit defeat when I have no choice.

Fate, however, had other plans.

DUNT DUNT DUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

Hello Groupies (and Groupettes)! I’m back from the honeymoon and ready to dive into this year’s holiday season. These days can be truly spiritual to many, so I thought I’d take my time with you today to run through a list of all those little things that make the holidays so full of memories and joy: