Greetings my gaggle of groupies! I have to say it is atrocious how we treat our celeb’s in this country. A walking douche can’t even make $100 mil for doing nothing without being driven mad. We give no formal training to these trophies of the American Dream. They are forced to buy mansions we vagabonds can only dream of. They are forced to join the Immaculate Car of the Month club and must suffer through the plethora of tiara wearing goddesses lapping at the ground they walk on (or hunky musky smelling beasts if our mad douche is a douchette (or a stuffy DJ with fish scented fingers if our douchette is Lindsey.))

Winning...??

Guest Bloggy goodness! Ryan Marley is a fan of DYHP who submitted a blog. We think anything that involves us having to do less work is awesome, so we happily agreed to share it with the world... otherwise known as 10 people. Ryan is funny and the blog is short and hilarious... like your mother. So, check it out!

You know the Full Nelson wrestling move?  Most everybody knows this grappling move from childhood.  But who was Nelson?  Just some guy out there jacking people up?  Who's that guy who sneaks up behind everyone encircling their shoulder with his strong arm?  Oh yeah... Nelson... Nobody knows... turns out it was Horatio Nelson of her Majesty's Royal Navy. That's the kind of legacy I want associated with my name Marls.  So when I'm walking behind a guy I'll grab his balls and pull backwards... This is a Half Marls.  Or you could pull his nuts back and rotate 360 degrees, this is a Full Marls.

Nick is a business owner who answered our call for guest writers and has submitted this little gem on the horrors of high school reading assignments. Enjoy

Do you enjoy reading? I used to enjoy reading. Dr. Seuss and Clifford kept me entertained until my early teens. Then came high school and the literary choices of my English teachers, whose literary choices pissed on and extinguished any passion I had to read and learn. Following are books I was forced to read that pretty much sucked.

So, we've been trying to spread the joy of DYHP all around the land, and in our quest to intergrate into the world of the interwebs we found an awesome site call Filmsy.com. This movie-centric site has tons of great articles about show-biz and the movie life. They feature various Top 10's and reader's thoughts on all the great movies out there.

To add our name into the hat, we created a list of Sequels We Want to See. The first of which is The Happening 2: Arbor Day, and the newest posted today was Forrest Gump 2: Forrest Does Fatherhood. So click on over and give it a read and check out the great articles on Filmsy.com

Hello fellow Groupies of DYHP (and boy do I)!  I thought I’d take a moment during this exciting holiday shopping season to plug myself (that’s what she said).  For a number of years now a few of my friends and I have been producing the indy (A.K.A. no budget) comic series, “SPORKMAN!”  I am excited to say we finally finished Sporkman’s newest adventure, “SPORKMAN GOES TO JAPAN.”  It’s been a ride I must say. 

Countless hours of work, hundreds of e-mails, beating the wanting groupies back with sticks (though we did let a few back stage), and that’s just making the book, let alone what’s in the damn thing.  It’s more of a documentary about our short friends in the Pacific Rim; the trials and tribulations of radio active lobsters, giant robots and gay ass Pokémon’s.  Throw in a superhero with no superpowers (no, not Batman…though he is a fav) and Walla!  The complete history of these great people in three amazing volumes.  But speaking of Batman…Christopher Nolan is working on his third!  Any guess as to who the villain will be?  The rumor is Clay Face (said with a big grin and crazy spirit fingers)! 

So, anywho, I’ve patted myself on the back long enough.  Check us out at www.GETSPORK.com, while you’re there buy an issue or 5,000.  Happy holidays and may the Spork be with you!

I know everyone is missing me like a fat kid misses Little Debbie, but I haven't been slacking off by any means.

I have a new blog up on The Daily Buggle that recounts the best and worst Hollywood remakes of all time. Won't you be a friend and check it out?

Peace and Love, Peace and Love.

Tone has been unfaithful once more. This time he's cheating behind our backs with some harlot named 411LowDown.com!

One of these days, Tone. We're gonna see past your chubby charm and make those changes our mom and girlfriends have been saying for all these years!!!.... but we just can't help it. You're so cuddly! You're gettin' off with a warning this time! Now, sit your pretty little head down, dinner will be on the table soon, snookums.

Check out Tone's take on People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive,
the new winner and from days of yore!

Greetings Gathering Groupies (or Saludos Fanaticos Reunidos for our Spanish speaking friends)!  I’m taking a month off from writing to you.  I know…it’s sad.  Don’t know what I would do without me either.  In about a week I shall be taking the marital oath, getting hitched, securing the ‘ole ball in chain.  I say good bye to all those sexy singles and hello to blissful (?) married life.  Whether you are playing those wedding bells with me or breaking out your bag pipes for a funeral hymn, I’m looking forward to version 7.3458 of this journey.

I don’t know if version 7.3458 will be an endless paradise, but like any superb upgrade to the windows o/s, it’s bound to be full of surprises (spinning pinwheel of death? – Oh wait, that’s Apple).  Worst case scenario I’ll be able to stockpile plenty of comedic material.  After all, isn’t marriage the prime source of material for all stand-up comics (I think there’s a requirement about that for open mic night)?  Finally I’ll be able to sit down, crack open a cold one and watch TLC & Lifetime without looking like a…well…a married man.  And if things don’t go well, I already have a back up plan.  I can try out a few episodes of Wife Swap.  It’s like a buffet.  After all isn’t that what America is all about?  Endless choices.  And no matter which one you choose, the grass is always greener on the other side.  Unless there is no grass, then like nice hardwood floors, who cares about the drapes?  It’s all smooth baby!

So, I've taken the liberty of writing an article for our friends at LowOnOil.com. It's entitled Top 5: Facial Hair Moments in Sports. So, go on and click the preview image below to read about the epic facial hair choices of our modern day athletes.

Chris is the creator of Sporkman and an all around awesome guy. Check his site out and support the Spork! http://www.getspork.com

Greetings and salutations gathering groupies! I want to get off topic (we had a topic?) today and discuss a matter of utmost importance. This is something that affects me very deeply (that’s what she said!) on a personal level. When the hell did the Cookie Monster become the Veggie Monster?