I recently found myself in a bit of a bind financially. There were many video games and goods I wanted to purchase, and nothing but bills and "responsibility" in the way. I need to make money quick. What's a young man to do? So, I started scheming and thinking... and here's the plan...
New Years Resolutions... How's that working out for ya?
My New Year's resolution was to get in shape and cut back on junk food, but more often then not I'm on the floor screaming like a child, "NO!! PLEASE!! This is my sandwich... PLEASE!" in full tantrum mode.
There comes a time in every adult's life that they must put down the foam sword, or plastic lightsaber, they've been attacking their other "adult" friends with, and really become a grown-up. One such rite of passage is the creation and dedication to a budget. With that, also comes sacrifice. No, not humans you insane ass readers, luxury sacrifice! The following is a list of 3 things I'll miss now that I'm trying to become more of a grown up with my money.
3. DVR and OnDemand
Normally, we don't actually watch cable. At least not live, most days we simply record our favorite shows with DVR and watch at our convenience, or wait until it's OnDemand by the station that aired it. Our solution is Netflix and Hulu to see us through the wide world of entertainment. But, thems the breaks when you're an adult on a budget. I just hope they have decent rewind and replay capabilities, because I don't know how else I'll keep replaying the sketch scene from Titanic.
Isn't Leo dreamy?
2. Hookers and Blow
I know what you're saying. Wait, that's two things! True, but they go hand in hand, like Bert and Ernie, so cut me a break!. I couldn't even afford you before, but now my dreams of becoming as awesome as Tony Soprano and Robert Downey Jr have been dashed by adulthood! I'll never get to be Iron Man or Sherlock Holmes. I will never feel the soft caress of "Tina", the wonderful girl from Brooklyn, with a heart of gold and an Adam's apple to match. My social life had so much promise. Now, it's banished to the world of Netflix and pixie sticks. Do you know how many pixie stix it takes to equal cocaine? I'll tell you, ALOT.
I'd be the Tony Montana of pixie stix
1. Oero Cookies
Damn you Oero. You go with milk like Forrest Gump with Jenny whatever the hell her last name was... whoresalot?... yet you price yourself to make me think eating diamonds and lobster would be the more prudent purchase. 5 dollars a box is simply too much! It saddens me, but we must part ways.
I told myself I wouldn't cry :tear:...
Remember, I'll always love you.
AND IIIIIIIIIIIIII, WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
This week I help a husband cone out of the closet, get a lost man on track, talk marriage with a young lady, tell the origin story of Snooki, and I try to figure out what a VCR is.
Plus I try to help you get the best NEW car deal.
Welcome to Saturday Morning Adventure! Type ENTER to start the game.
Class: Lvl 1 Server
Health Points: 10
XP to next Lvl: 25
You find yourself in the kitchen of a 2nd rate restuarant. You've worked here for almost two years now and it has lost it's luster. You thought you'd be Assistant Manager by now, but that jerk KENNETH got the job instead. He was always such a suck up. You're currently at the SERVING LINE. To the NORTH is the open table setup of a DINING ROOM, to the EAST is a door. To the WEST is a door. To the SOUTH is a door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY. Where will you go?
As has been talked about before, I dislike stores that base their products around one very odd item. Places like Honeybaked Ham and Blinds2Go infuriate me to the point that I want to punch babies and hobos, and when really mad, baby hobos.They make me very angry, and I need to defend my rage to make you all understand the ludicracy.
Today, I highlight the Top 5 stores that stores that shouldn't be.
5. Honeybaked Ham
I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge, I've never been to a Honeybaked Ham establishment. My reason being... I don't like ham enough to wanna eat it everyday. When I pass by a Honeybaked Ham restaurant, I don't think. Man, I haven't had ham in ages, sounds good ... it's more... Man, I haven't had ham in ages, thank God. See you at Easter, suck-ass ham!
Now, nay-sayers like Justin, bring up the fact that I'd love to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken everyday until I was 30 ( I don't see my self going past 3 years of an all fried chicken diet, but at least I'd die greasy and happy). To those against me I say, Dammit everyone loves fried chicken! No one comes home thinking, Oh boy, someone get me a nice big bucket of bacon's less delicious uncle. Ham is not worthy to be your flagship entree, ever!
That 30 piece of extra crispy was worth it
Take me Jesus!
A new year... a new name! (not so) Real Letters has sold out and got a face lift. It shall now be known as Ask Justy, seeing as I answer all your weird ass questions, anyway. Another acceptable name would be The Feature Formerly Known as (not so) Real Letters. (it's spelled with just a 6 and a zig zag!)
This week I give hobby help, religious advice, start a soccer team, help a reader bake some delicious cookies, and more, so let's get started!
Every week I'm going to talk about something I hate, something that's overrated, or something that just flat out sucks. This week we discuss TV dinners. They're the bland microwavable let downs in a box. Every TV dinner is a single serving. That means when you're eating a TV dinner, you're usually alone and sad. Everyone who ever committed suicide probably ate a TV dinner alone before deciding to end it all with a gun.
But a rise in suicides due to 'Lean Cuisines' aren't the only reason TV dinners suck.
So, this cute girl, on one of those dating sites, mentions her favorite food is pancakes. My response, because I'm so suave and in tune with the ladies, is to scold her, because no one likes pancakes that much. In my message, I share a pearl of Confucius like wisdom, I hope she, as well as you all, appreciate the knowledge I'm dishing out...
::clears throat:: ahem...
"Pancakes are the politicians of the breakfast world! They sound promising at first and then they just let you down!"
-- Ray Cascella 12/31/2010 .
Mark it in your calendar, so you may tell your children and grandchildren, today you learned a universal truth.
Ich bin ien Springfielder!
OK, so it’s almost Christmas. Time is fleeting! You have a few couples left on your list, and you have NO clue what to buy them.
Well, here I am to save the day, with some AMAZINGLY wonderful ideas of gifts to give to your paired off family and friends! Enjoy!
- 10. 2 pounds of Bacon - Because, really, who can eat 2 whole pounds by themselves? Why not guarantee that they can share Pig Candy for the holidays?